What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
