you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
