he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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