when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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