i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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