so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
