I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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