Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
