I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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