I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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