First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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