Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
