cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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