I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
