In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I need a beard to bite.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
