Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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