Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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