dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
