This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
