I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
