Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
