Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
