Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
