I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pappa wants mamma naked
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
