Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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