Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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