I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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