I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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