thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
