Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
