well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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