I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
