you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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