god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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