Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
