I'm going to rape someone's good day.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
