Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
