So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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