I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
