maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you never un-have a 4some
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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