Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
