My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
