Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
