omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
