Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
