i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
