if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
where am i from again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
