you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
