Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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