i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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